i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Boobs are out for the taking
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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