yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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