some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
