I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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