If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
