I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
