There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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