He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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