My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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