So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
