A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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