Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
