I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
