your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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