i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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