My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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