New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
