Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
