marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
