she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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