Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
