Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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