that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
