Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
