I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Michael Bay diarrhea
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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