im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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