moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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