I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
