he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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