Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
