Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
