$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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