She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
