I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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