I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
