There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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