if i can run in heels then i can drive
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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