you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
