how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
