happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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