Apparently you make a good broom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I want is dick and wine.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
