On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
