I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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