i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
