My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
