Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
