thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
