dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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