the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
