I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found your dick twin last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
