I will die if light touches me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
