dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
