it was like his penis was on wheels.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
