In the future we'll all be gay
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
