I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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