I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
