I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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