I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
