The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she told me i tasted like america
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize