is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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