you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
