maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
