just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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