Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wanna go halves on a baby?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
