Duck Duck Cougar?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
