remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
